This tool will strengthen parents' confidence in discipline and transform it from an exhausting ordeal to a simple, natural interaction. This is guilt-free parenting. It's How Kids & Teens Learn!
- Do you want your kids to make mistakes?
- Do you want your teens to do dumb things?
Their mistakes are our opportunity to teach them something. We're not going to let those mistakes go to waste. Someone is going to learn something today.
Parents who view discipline as teaching get excited when their kids open that door. We don't get mad, we get motivated. We're enthusiastic about teaching through positive discipline and consequences.
Positive Discipline vs. Punishment
What is the difference between discipline and punishment?
We define discipline as:
- Training or learning that develops strong character, self-control, and moral capacity.
- Training that empowers a person to learn from mistakes and be equipped for success next time.
Children gain the essentials for success from positive discipline, including responsibility, self-control, positive self-identity and resiliency. Here's where they gain the power to learn from their mistakes, bounce back from disappointments, and find guidance from their parents.
Compare this to the definition of punishment:
- Imposing a penalty for breaking a rule or the law, often in retaliation.
- Dealing with roughly or harshly; castigating.
How does this explanation of punishment contrast with that of discipline?
The Spanish terms highlight the contrast between these two approaches:
- Discipline is Disciplina - the child learns mistakes and is equipped for success next time
- Punishment is Castigo - the child feels attacked: "How could you be so stupid, so defective, so incapable, so worthless
Discipline vs. Castigation. Would you rather be disciplined or castigated when you make a mistake? Which would you want to encounter at work if you messed up a project?
While punishment says, "I give up on you," discipline says, "I believe in you."
Some parents tell us that they were raised in a system of punishment and thought that was what love was. They then treated their kids the same way, until they realized how much better positive discipline is.
The Eight Characteristics of Discipline
1. Provides direction and correction.
2. Values learning from mistakes.
3. Focuses on the future.
4. Attitude of love and support.
5. Directed at the behavior.
6. Promotes security and self- control.
7. Parents invest time and effort.
8. Manageable for parent and child.
What children and teens learn from Positive Discipline
- Responsibility
- Self-control
- To be learners
- To recover from mistakes -- resiliency
- To see self as a winner
- To see self as okay
- Positive self-identity